I've mentioned before that I'm worried about losing control of my anger. This past Sunday I did. Not violently. I just said something to a customer that I would normally never say. She was complaining to me about our prices and wouldn't let me get a word in. Then my mouth opened and out came, "Then don't shop here." Naturally this didn't diffuse the situation. I've been teaching people to run retail stores for 10 years now and I don't ever remember including that in the lesson. I know the lady was being extremely rude by the supportive comments I received from other customers after she left but it isn't like me to not have control over what comes out of my mouth. The next morning I called my boss to tell him what happens in case she calls in a complaint. He just laughed. Then he told me that he thought it was going to be worse by how upset I seemed about it. When I started the conversation with him I said that I said something I shouldn't have to a customer. I guess that made him think that I cussed somebody out. Nothing happened from all this but I didn't sleep at all Sunday night.
What I don't get is why am I so obsessed with self control. People make mistakes all of the time but when I do I feel like something horrible is going to happen. I can't help but think that this past year has shown me how little I can control in the world so I just want to keep a grasp on what I can. I gave up on trying to control other people years ago so that just leaves myself. Now I'm so distracted and moody all the time that I don't feel like I can control me either. Man I feel screwed up! I just want to get up, go to work, spend time with my wife and go to bed. Why does all of this other stuff have to get in the way of just having a normal day?