Thursday, April 2, 2009


I've mentioned before that I'm worried about losing control of my anger. This past Sunday I did. Not violently. I just said something to a customer that I would normally never say. She was complaining to me about our prices and wouldn't let me get a word in. Then my mouth opened and out came, "Then don't shop here." Naturally this didn't diffuse the situation. I've been teaching people to run retail stores for 10 years now and I don't ever remember including that in the lesson. I know the lady was being extremely rude by the supportive comments I received from other customers after she left but it isn't like me to not have control over what comes out of my mouth. The next morning I called my boss to tell him what happens in case she calls in a complaint. He just laughed. Then he told me that he thought it was going to be worse by how upset I seemed about it. When I started the conversation with him I said that I said something I shouldn't have to a customer. I guess that made him think that I cussed somebody out. Nothing happened from all this but I didn't sleep at all Sunday night.

What I don't get is why am I so obsessed with self control. People make mistakes all of the time but when I do I feel like something horrible is going to happen. I can't help but think that this past year has shown me how little I can control in the world so I just want to keep a grasp on what I can. I gave up on trying to control other people years ago so that just leaves myself. Now I'm so distracted and moody all the time that I don't feel like I can control me either. Man I feel screwed up! I just want to get up, go to work, spend time with my wife and go to bed. Why does all of this other stuff have to get in the way of just having a normal day?


  1. I know this seems so completely inappropriate, but I laughed at this post. 1) Good for you! let some of it out! and 2) The control thing. I am so like that. I think I can't control anything else, so I'll control me. Yea! Right! I'll have to tell you about my alter ego Duncan sometime. There was a time in my life that I felt so out of control that I actually started haunting MYSELF!! I'd do the oddest things in the middle of the night, sleep walking. Scared myself stupid. Control issues play a mighty number on us. Sometimes it's ok to loose control. Don't be affraid of it. And I have to agree, why does all of this other stuff have to always get in the way or normalcy. Why can't I look at my husband anymore without seeing my sons face? It's wrong.

  2. THIS POST CRACKED ME UP. Yes to everything Heather said, but moreover, that customer deserved it.

  3. I too giggled because, like your boss, I was waiting for you to say something awful came out. If you think that is the worse thing you could say, you don't have anything to worry about. I too am worried the wrong thing will come out. I have been home since my son passed. Work I'm told has become a really "lovely" place to be with everyone being fired. I return next week. I believe that my strength to be patient may be weakend. But this is why we blog and I am so grateful this is available.