Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Trnsformed For Nothing
When my wife told me that I was going to be a father I was thrilled. We had been trying for a while and it seemed almost unreal to hear that she was finally pregnant. Then I freaked out. I am not usually one to worry about the stereotypical gender roles but the need to become a good provider was overwhelming. Generally I discount the evolutionary argument for behavior but I couldn't help but think that this was hard wired into me. That week I became more assertive with the vice president of our company looking for answers about the promotion that she had been dangling in front of me for a year. I also started cutting expenses like I was throwing water out of a sinking ship. My whole outlook changed. It was amazing how strong those feelings were. Now what? I opened up a large space in my life and now it just sits empty. I feel empty.