Friday, March 20, 2009

I don't know what I was expecting when I woke up this morning. I started out in a pretty good mood. It's not like I was going to wake up and Pennywise the clown from IT was going to be standing over me with a baloon saying, "Today's the day!" I made my self breakfast, watched some TV, then I went out tto have a cigar at a cigar shop I hang out at from time to time. That's when it hit me. All of the guys were complaining about work or how their bracket is doing and all I could think was, 'I DON'T CRARE! I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE!' I really just wanted to talk about what happened and what I'm going through. Nothing else really seemed to keep my attention anyway. So how do you work that into a conversation! "Hey, guess what." No I don't think that would be a good segway. So I just sat there pretending to be social. I feel like I do a lot of that. One year ago today we lost our baby. Nothing will be the same. The whole wolrd will go on as though nothing happened but I have changed forever. For those of you who are suffering from a more recent loss there is good news. I was doing much better up until a month ago. As this day approached it became harder and harder not to think about but I had a good steatch fo a while there. I suspect that I will again.


  1. I thought it was a good segway...
    I guess the good news it that tomorrow...they'll all be brand new days. You won't be counting days, or weeks or even months now. It won't be the first Tuesday with out your daughter. It won't be the first summer with out your daughter. It won't be the first February with out your daughter. It won't be the first holiday, the first shopping trip, the first night... You've already used them all up. THEY say the first year is the worst. Let's hope so.

  2. I prayed for you today. As Heather mentioned "THEY say the first year is the worst." I prayed that you along with your wife will make it through today and everyday.